Krishna Vora Therapy

Why Masking Is Exhausting — and How Therapy Can Help You Unlearn It
Discover why masking leads to burnout in adults with ADHD. Learn how neurodiversity-affirming therapy in Ontario can help you unmask, rest, and live authentically.

Understanding ADHD Masking

If you’re an adult with ADHD, chances are you’ve learned how to blend in. Maybe you push yourself to appear organized, focused, or calm — even when your brain feels like it’s racing. You might rehearse conversations, double-check your tone, or overprepare for small tasks just to avoid being seen as “too much.”

This is called masking — the act of hiding or suppressing your authentic traits to appear more “neurotypical.” While masking can help people navigate work, relationships, or cultural expectations, it often comes at a cost.

Over time, constantly monitoring how you show up in the world can lead to deep exhaustion, disconnection, and burnout.

What Masking Looks Like in Adults with ADHD

Masking isn’t always obvious. It can look like:

• Forcing yourself to sit still even when your body wants to move
• Overcompensating by being overly organized or productive
• Replaying social interactions to make sure you didn’t “say something weird”
• Smiling through overwhelm or frustration to avoid judgment
• Saying yes to everything to seem capable or reliable
• Using humour to deflect from vulnerability
• Minimizing your needs because you don’t want to be “too much”

On the outside, you might look like you have it all together — but internally, it feels like you’re running a marathon that never ends.

Why Masking Leads to Burnout

Masking takes an enormous amount of emotional and cognitive energy. When you spend hours (or years) pretending to be someone you’re not, your nervous system never truly rests.

This can lead to ADHD burnout — a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that feels like you’ve completely run out of energy. You may experience:

• Chronic fatigue or brain fog
• Loss of motivation for things you once enjoyed
• Increased anxiety or irritability
• Feeling detached from your authentic self
• Emotional crashes after social or work interactions

For many adults, burnout isn’t just about doing too much — it’s about constantly trying to be someone else.

The Role of Shame in Masking

Many adults learned to mask early in life as a survival strategy. You might have been told to “pay attention,” “stop daydreaming,” or “try harder.” Over time, those messages create shame — the belief that there’s something wrong with who you are.

Masking becomes a way to avoid rejection or criticism. But the more you hide, the more disconnected you feel from yourself. Therapy can help you recognize that your traits aren’t flaws — they’re simply expressions of a neurodivergent brain doing its best to adapt.

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How Therapy Can Help You Unlearn Masking

A neurodiversity-affirming approach to therapy focuses on understanding and embracing your ADHD, not changing it. In therapy, you can learn to:

• Recognize when and why you mask
• Identify the environments or relationships that trigger masking
• Develop self-compassion instead of self-criticism
• Reconnect with your authentic energy and needs
• Set boundaries that allow for rest and authenticity

Unmasking doesn’t mean you stop adapting altogether — it means giving yourself permission to exist without constant self-correction.

Rest, Regulation, and Reconnection

Healing from masking involves slowing down and honouring your energy. Rest is not laziness — it’s recovery from years of over-effort.

As you begin to live more authentically, you might notice moments of relief: laughing more freely, saying no without guilt, or noticing when your brain thrives best. These small shifts can create a profound sense of peace and belonging.

Finding Support in Ontario

At Krishna Vora Therapy, I offer online psychotherapy across Ontario, specializing in ADHD, learning differences, and neurodiversity-affirming care. Together, we can explore how masking shows up in your life and gently work toward unlearning it — at your own pace, and without shame.

🌼 You don’t have to keep pretending to be someone you’re not. You deserve to live as your full, authentic self.

Ready to take the next step?

If you are in Ontario, book a free 15 minute virtual consultation. You can use the contact page or write to me at krishnavoratherapy@gmail.com.